Callused Hearts

Today our team went to the Government Hospital. We passed out bread, cheese and water to the mothers and sat with the children and got to know their stories. Some of these women are in the hospital up to three weeks (sometimes longer depending on the circumstance) and unless they leave their children they are unable to get food for themselves.
The night before we went to the hospital I was extremely anxious and (as hard as it is for me to admit) scared of how I would respond to walking into the hospital again after my experience there last time. My roommate wrote me a letter the night before I went to the hospital and said to me, “It’s okay to be devastated. But, don’t you dare let a single callous form on your heart. It’s a survival tactic for you, but a death sentence for those babies. Have God’s heart…and let his strength carry you through it.” But, I did not want my experience there to cloud my vision of what I was supposed to see today. I wanted the faces and circumstances of the children and women in the room to be my concern. But…inevitably I knew emotions would come back from my time with Allie. As much as it hurts to truly allow myself to feel…she has shaped who I am in a deeply profound way, but not at the expense of being able to be there for others in that hospital…it only strengthened my understanding.
I’ve said this before…I’ll say it again…it is not…it is NOT okay that children die because they do not have enough food. It is NOT okay that children die of diarrhea. It is NOT okay that children are dying because they have malaria or a “cold” or any other disease that can be cured in the United States at the snap of a finger.
Seven months ago I walked in to this hospital and my heart was shattered. Walking in again there were a new set of stories that needed to be told. When you think your heart can’t be broken anymore…your hurt grows deeper. Last time I held child after child, but this time, for whatever reason...I felt God telling me to focus on the mothers. I still held babies burning with fever and writhing in pain from malnutrition, but I wanted to emphasize to the mothers their importance. Our team sat with them, asked them how they were doing and offering to pray for them if we could. I really wanted my words to convey to them how strong and courageous they were for standing by their child and taking care of them in their time of need. How easy it would be to just give up and leave. The fight seems too grave. I wanted them to know that they were loved and thought about as well. These people are forgotten. I wanted them to know…that we know. If you saw this hospital…you would say the same thing. They need someone…they need YOU…to fight for them!
In June our team had gone to the ICU, where I met Allie, but because things in there are rather hectic, Erica decided our large team should try to stay out of their way and serve the other rooms instead. But, as our team was nearing the end of our time there I looked over at the nurse’s station and locked eyes with one of the nurses. She got the hugest smile on her face and we both ran over to one another. She said, “You were with baby Allie so many months ago.” I nodded speechless. “You remember me??” “Of course I do,” she replied, “You loved her and cared for her. You loved her as your own. But we lost her.” Chills came over my body and I asked her if any of the other nurses I was with were there. She took my hand and took me back to the room where baby Allie changed my life 7 months ago. I saw the security guard who helped me while I was there and he remembered me too. Chills continued to cover my body as I walked with Monito, hand in hand. As I walked back into the room where the team was still visiting with patients, a woman and a severely malnourished little boy followed me into the room and asked the security guard if they could speak to me. The little boy was 4 and his mother had passed away. The woman had traveled from fifteen miles outside of Freetown to get this little baby treatment. You could see every bone in this child’s body. Every rib, vertebrae, every bone down to his pelvic girdle…he was a miniature walking skeleton. Erica gave them money to help get food while they waited for the doctors to see them, but before I walked away I asked the little boy’s name and the woman looked me in the eye and said, “Ali.” I’d like to say I immediately broke down crying but more than anything I was frozen. I placed my arm on the woman and asked, “May I pray for you and Ali?” I don’t think I’ve ever prayed such strong words over someone. I don’t think I’ve prayed such words over anyone as I prayed over these mothers, grandmothers, fathers, and children.
We have no concept of what it is like to go without. We have no concept of what it feels like to function around poverty like this. I cannot even presume to know the suffering and heartache that these people endure.
Each of us has brokenness. We have each experienced things in life that have hurt us deeply. All of those things shape who we are positively or negatively. And we each have a choice in how we respond to the difficult situations in life that we are faced with. We’ve each had to allow God to carry us through suffering. But I think we view our suffering in the U.S. a bit backwards.
I guess what I’m saying is…we all have callouses on our hearts. But what I see a lot is, that we never allow ourselves to feel the emotions enough to truly heal from something…to truly move beyond whatever tribulations we encounter. I think often times we spend so much of our lives getting over whatever tribulation we’re encountering that we put on our tunnel vision and only focus on ourselves. We cover our hearts with so many callouses we never have room to let someone else in…or…serve someone else who truly needs it. I don’t mean to be rude when I say this and I’m CERTAINLY speaking to myself as well…but…get over it! We need to stop letting our hearts be calloused and holding us hostage from being a stronghold to the world around us. Because these people need us! They need our brokenness. They need our hearts to be softened to remember that they are there and need our help! We need to get over ourselves.
I saw calloused hearts in the eyes of so many today that truly need us! Calloused hearts of desperation. Their eyes are glazed over, void of any emotion. How else do you cope while helplessly watching your child die?
I only hope they heard a word today from one of the 25 people in that room…to know that there is a God who knows and loves them. There are people who know about them and are willing to fight. Our team shirts say, “I will fight…for the one who is exploited, broken, trafficked, abandoned, stolen, abused, forgotten, orphaned…we will win.” We. Will. Win. These mothers need to know that they are known and someone is fighting on their side. Someone who says...this is NOT right! And, we will NOT be defeated.
When I sat with Allie 7 months ago, I quietly whispered in her ear describing the world she had awaiting her. All of the beautiful things she had yet to taste, feel and see. I prayed those words over every child I saw today. Because, it’s true…each life has a story to tell and “where you live shouldn’t determine whether you live” (Bono.) Know that the same is true for you…you have a story to tell through and in the midst of your brokenness. But where we live shouldn’t determine whether we only care about ourselves. I’ll leave you with the words to the song I sang that day to Allie…and know these words are true for all of us…and have the ability to move us to action to make a difference in a world that so desperately needs us to fight for the forgotten…
“Our God is Greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other. Our God is HEALER awesome in power, our God…our God. And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us and if our God is with us…then what could stand against?!” What could stand against us? Our own calloused hearts?

Praying my heart would be Softened,
Reg

P.S. I have to say, it was so beautiful and a privilege to watch such a large team experience this together today. It was an honor serving side by side with such a strong team! Almost 15 more people have now tasted and seen this crime against humanity and can go home to tell the stories of the forgotten.

Take joy my king

You know that song that goes, “I love you Lord and I lift my voice to worship you, Oh my soul, rejoice. Take joy my King in what you hear, let it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear.” The past two days that is what I have heard in my ears. My mother is a choir director and as a child in her choirs we would sing this sweet simple song. ‘Simplicity’ seems to be the word I hear through all that we have been doing. Simple acts of kindness. Simple joy. Simple love. Yesterday we spent the day at the center. We went to church with the children in the morning and listened to Pastor Dan (the orphanage pastor) deliver a message to the kids and caretakers. We watched and listened as the children sang their hearts out and spoke their prayers aloud. Uninhibited worship. Offering all that they are to God and allowing their souls to rejoice. It seems so simple to lift our praise to the God who created the universe. But I don’t think I do that. But…it’s so simple…
Then, we organized all of the presents each group had collected for the children. Each child received a backpack and outfit. The boys received 5 toy cars and the girls received a doll, necklace and bracelet. Each team member is responsible for 4-5 children and we were able to pick out and collect our children’s gifts and give them to them. It was like Christmas. I’m not a parent, but I got a glimpse of how it must feel on Christmas night after you’ve carefully picked out gifts for your child and you take a picture of them all so neatly placed out before the kids come barreling in to tear in to them. What a simple joy!
At the end of today we had a Carnival Day for the kids, as well! The kids rotated from game to game: hula-hooping, face-painting, nail painting, football, bowling, golf and much more. For each game they won a certain amount of money and then could buy prizes at our prize store! Simple games, simple fun, which fostered joy in the hearts of each child!
One story I would like to share is about one of our team members, Hailey. She has 8 children that she sponsors here at the center. The last time she traveled to Sierra Leone she felt a very special maternal connection to these 8 siblings. As we were collecting our items for the kids I looked over and watched as she carefully picked out gifts for her 7 boys and 1 girl. It was more than beautiful watching her pick out those gifts with such an obvious joy and compassion for those children. It was simple. But it was deep unending love she was exhibiting. It’s hard not to show that type of love to these kids, but do I show it to the people in my life back home?
For the rest of the afternoon we played with the children as they opened their gifts and helped them pick out a new pair of flip-flops. These children take so much pride in their belongings. It makes sense though. You cherish what you have once you’ve had nothing. The simple act of giving them a shirt lights up their hearts more than you can imagine. Gift Giving. Another simple way to say…I care about you…I take notice of you.
This morning we went in to the community around the center to families who we know of that are in great need. We split up into groups and went with a translator to these houses and met the mothers and children. While with them we were able to offer a small monetary gift in TRS’ name and ask if we could pray for them. It seems so simple to be able to walk up to someone you see in need and offer them a few dollars and feel like you some how deserve a medal for your good deed. One of our team members, Amy Coggin (who is also on her second trip), spoke some incredible words while we were out. We had just left a home and were traveling to the next when she began to cry at and said, “It seems so self-righteous of us…we have so much and yet I feel like we’re just throwing them scraps.” Her heart was breaking. She spoke beautifully the words my heartbreaks for too. Lori, another team member said, “You’re placing words on what many of the team is probably feeling but don’t know how to express yet.” But, you know…we have to do something. We can’t just see and not do something. And as I said before…a relationship starts with something small and as you build trust those simple acts grow and foster something bigger, something deeper. Amy had said a prayer just moments before where she said, “God help these people to know how much you love them and how special they are. Help them to know that we love them.” Simple words, right? But more than important for us to hear and hold true!
It does feel self-righteous to just go and give a bit of money and turn around and go home and live our lavish, privileged lives. But, I have to believe that being broken to this need in front of us has to start somewhere. It starts with something simple. It starts with giving someone a small token of our love for them as a human being; introducing yourself and saying “You matter to me. I will fight for you.” If we don’t, who will?

Simply Choosing to Love,
Regina

Good Intentions

Wow. Wow. Wow. I don’t think I can consolidate all of this into a short blog. Beth told me I didn’t have to write something inspirational every time…(that means: Regina, stop being so wordy, haha) But I can’t help myself. Every thing I see here breathes new light on our purpose here on earth and I am bursting at the seams to share it! Today we went to Kroo Bay and began a Feeding Program feeding 5,000 children! Describing it as mass hysteria does not scrape the surface. Exhausted and filthy, we made our way back to the guest house, cleaned up and headed over for the Welcome Ceremony at the Center! Like last time…this is one of the most joyous sights a person can experience! 85 children praising and singing ‘Welcome’ to YOU before you even enter the gates. Before they see you...they love you! The graciousness and thankfulness they express is overwhelming. And having the kids remember me and see how much they have grown! Having them trample us to the ground with their love! AHHH! It was the best. Simply, the best! We watched them play soccer, we jumped rope (Amy Coggin being the all-star of them all!), we sang, we danced, played drums…the happiness factor was through the roof! I met Mary, the little girl I sponsor! And I saw Gerald and Geraldine (the twins I went to the doctor with last time)…they are sitting up and crawling and holding themselves up! It is just simply amazing what love will do. I say that all the time now. But it is just that simple, people! Love. Unfailing, Unconditional, deep, rich love. It’s what God gives us through our relationship with him. That is what these kids give to us. It’s what they deserve in return. And it’s what I hope we’ll all learn to give one another! My Thoughts: Good Intentions.In relationships we all have good intentions. There is usually a person in the relationship who means well. Whether it is for better or worse, in an ideal situation, in a relationship we have the best interest of the person we are relating to at heart. Is this always true? No. But stay with me. I have a friend who has been in a rough place in life recently and I have had the best intentions of being there for them. I felt like they needed someone to be there. They needed a shoulder to cry on. More than that...I wanted to be that person because of how much I care for them. Loving them will help them get through this time, I thought. But what a person actually needs and how we see to fix it are not always the same thing. Did this person need ‘my’ love…maybe…but perhaps there was a deeper need I was not meeting. A few days before I left for my trip I ran into a homeless women and her child with Down syndrome. Standing in the cold with no coat, I decided it would help the situation if I were to pull over and give her my coat. The mom promptly told me…I can’t carry any more things, and my daughter will not wear your coat because she does not trust you. My intentions were good. I did not meet their need, this time. Which brings me to my next point. Relationships require trust…which requires time. On our way down here a Finish man sat in front of us as we drove to the dock to board the boat to Freetown. He asked me what we were doing and when I told him he said, "you’re only here 9 days? What can you do in nine days but show your face and leave?" I thought, "We sure can do a lot in 9 days, sir!" This all may sound like rambling but inside my head I’m beginning to sort through some questions about relationships. Not only with our loved ones but the broken hearted, the orphaned, the forgotten. You see we can have the best intention,s but if we are not feeding the actual need we do no good. If we don’t take the time to ask, "what is it that you need?" we may be trying to build a house on sinking sand. My friend may well have needed me to leave him alone. Rather than assume I could fix the problem with a coat I should have asked the homeless women what I could do for her. Because we can have the best intentions…but when I look at the works of Jesus…he didn’t assume…he got in there and found out what the problem was. And more poignant than that…generally he had TRUST of the people he was relating to. I see this happening here in Sierra Leone. I see The Raining Season building trust and taking time to address the need they see in front of them before jumping in and fixing the problem they see fit to solve. It see intentionality. They are addressing things from the inside out. They are building relationships one-step at a time. But…simply asking the right questions doesn’t always solve the problem right away either. Nothing is ever easy J Today in Kroo Bay…I saw desperation. I’ve seen it before. Last time Beth and I were here we created quite a mob as we past out baby dolls and had to be escorted out with the soccer team barricading around us to keep the children from bombarding us. But today…it was unimaginable. I don’t quite know how you problem solve that. So many variables are involved in the reason why the village lay in the extreme poverty that it does, that all the good intentions in the world will do nothing without a little trial and error. We went in today to feed 5000 children! Initially, they were going to bring in 2500 and give them two meals to take to another child. Once we got there…things looked a bit different. We began handing out a plate of rice with a fish sauce and water to each child. As the first group of children finished their meals they were escorted out of the building and the next round of children were going to be brought in. Things began to get a little chaotic, but we got them fed and out. Then…hysteria broke out. We ran out of hot food and were just going to give a bag with 2 cups of rice per child as they came through a line. More and more children and parents began storming the doors of the building. Children began beating each other up. Strangling one another. Pushing, shoving. Crying. As children came through the line we noticed many of them limping and we knew things outside were not going well. They began having us hand out packets of rice through the window because we could no longer safely bring children in to the building. We calmed the crowd down and tried to bring a few children in. As I looked down, a little boy ran by crying and holding his hand tightly…his fingers were broken. Another little girl ran in crying holding her hand tightly and Cari and I ran to see if she was alright…her finger was either sprained or broken as well. With no tape or medical supplies, Cari and I were able to use our pony-tail holders to splint the little girls finger as best we could. What do you do when your best intentions begin to create such hysteria that desperately hungry parents and children are hurting one another so severely? How do you problem solve that? What system do you try next? How do you do problem solve that according to the context of the culture that you live in? I’ve heard of it being done in other countries…but this is a different relationship, you see…you can’t do things the way you would do them in Nashville, Cambodia, Panama, Russia…it has to be done the Sierra Leonian way. What way is that? How do you help a village voted the World’s Worst place to live?? It goes without saying that it was an incredible blessing that enough money was raised to feed 5000 children. A Feeding Program began today that will continue over the years and, by trial and error, a model will be implemented to help children get a hot meal without being stampeded to the ground. But…how? It wont be done in 9 days time. It will be done by the sustainable presence of organizations like TRS that are willing to move in to the neighborhood. Organizations that are willing to say…this can look differently…organizations that say…Dreams. Spark. Change. I believe we are all in a place to have a sustainable impact in ministries like this…but, if anything, I think we should begin looking at our intentions within our relationships. Are they what the other person needs? Are we building trust? Are we moving in for 9 days, long enough to show our face and then hitting the road? Or are we building sustainable, trusting, meaningful deep relationships where we get to the root of the matter and figure out why God placed us in that person’s life? I’m sure beginning to figure out my place here. No answers yet…but I’ll let you know when I do. Until then...Help me fight to SAVE the ORPHAN! We'll keep trying things till we figure out how to restore God's kingdom together!

Intentionally and Unconditionally (hah), Regina

Home Sweet Home!

Our team made it safely to Freetown! I have to say, this trip was less eventful than our first. I never ran in the airport once! I kept bracing myself for the “RUN TO OUR GATE” or “It’s time to rebook our flights we’ve been delayed and we wont make it to Africa today.” But all 20 of us safely made our way to Chicago, on to Brussels and then to Freetown!

I left Nashville with quite a heavy heart. Half of my mind has been on this incredible trip ahead of us and the other half struggling to let go of the things back at home I have facing me. But, I was not even through security in Nashville when I began crying and was able to begin to shed home and focus solely on what God has awaiting our team. And the second I stepped foot off the plane and saw the “Freetown Airport” sign and smelled that lovely smell that says “you’re in Sierra Leone” the excitement hit me that tomorrow I’ll be bombarded by a massive amount of children waiting for nothing but love! And I cannot wait to give it to them!

Oh…and I have a boyfriend in Belgium. He works in security. He checked my bag and, as he tragically confiscated my Nutella, he told me I must be an angel and asked if I would like to sit with him on my layover and eat the Nutella with some bread…or perhaps just a spoon? Hah! I politely declined. Dear Men in America, I’d have a boyfriend a lot faster if I lived abroad. Haha. J

Tomorrow we hit the ground running! We’ll be going to Kroo Bay in the morning to feed 5000 children! Just the thought of this amazes my mind! We’ll be bringing through 2500 children who will get two meals and will be taking one back to another child at their home. The Raining Season will be documenting who gets the meals and another Feeding Program will happen again in February.

Our team is staying at the guesthouse The Raining Season now runs. Comfy chairs and couches, an amazing cook, bunk beds…it’s so cool to see so much growth in just six months! But as is life in Sierra Leone…the electricity went out about an hour ago and although I showered I’m already covered in sweat J I have to say, though, despite the humidity, lack of air and conveniences we hold tightly too back home…I couldn’t be happier.

Completely exhausted and so glad to be in a bed! Thanks for all your prayers! Our journey begins tomorrow! Woo!

Peace and Love,
Dancing Through Life,
Regina

I Dare to Believe...

I can hardly believe it! In 16 short days I will be boarding a flight on my way to Sierra Leone for the second time. Even typing it right now I don't fully believe that in a little over two weeks I will be back with the group of children who stole my heart before I even met them! I'm traveling to Sierra Leone this time with a huge team of people from all over and am extremely excited about what we have awaiting us in Freetown! I cannot wait to share my teams experiences with everyone along the way!

Over the past six months the experiences Bethany and I had back in June have stuck in the forefront of my mind. I know they have stuck with Beth as well. On a daily basis I think of Allie. On a daily basis I close my eyes and am back in the hospital holding her little fingers. I hear the children laughing and playing at The Covering, feel the rain on my face as we danced in the mud of Kroo Bay, feel the children jumping into my arms with the brightest smiles...full of hope and promise.

You see. Even after we boarded the plane home these people's lives went on. Mothers kept pouring into the hospital with their dying children hoping for someone to save them. Children were brought to the doors of The Covering and given a chance at a better life. And I went home to begin another semester of grad school, working full time and filling up my schedule to the brim with things to do. As a product of corporate church I have gone on a few mission trips. Each one I have come home from having furthered my spiritual journey and, if I'm brutally honest with myself, have felt like I deserved a gold star for my good deeds for the week. Somehow life looks different when you have stared into the eyes of a child who was dying because there was not enough food for her. Not just one. But rooms full. Somehow your world view shifts. But the life you are surrounded by doesn't. Because, Corporate Church and Upper Middle Class America did not have the same experience so they go on functioning within their comfortable box. While we're left fighting to reconcile how life should actually look. Some days I've thought I was being too hard on the world around me. This is my passion. Not theirs. But then I stop and think...who's passion shouldn't be saving dying children?

As you can tell...I've struggled with the indifference we're surrounded by here in the U.S. I watched a video entitled 'Depraved Indifference' and they sum it up well by saying, "Oh we care, it's not that it doesn't move us on some level to hear about these kids across the globe...we care, but we can go home tonight and sleep just fine. How is that? It's because there's an indifference and it's naturally born within us. That life isn't affecting us, it's not in our backyard, we're not related to it...it's someone else's issue...in fact we start quoting scripture about God being a father to the fatherless...we're like thank you God that you are a father to that child...but God rescues the fatherless through US...God rescues the weak through OUR hands, our LOVE, our TIME...through YOU...and if you don't do it noone will."

These trips to Sierra Leone are more than just "mission trips." It's more than a gold star. Once you have been you can't go home and sleep just fine. It does affect us. We are related to it. It is our issue. What I find infuriating is that it takes actually holding a dying child in our arms to realize that's what we are here for. Why is it that we must experience it ourself before we actually sign on to begin restoring our world the way God intended?

I dare to believe that it doesn't have to be that way. I dare to believe that through the stories The Raining Season, Firefleyes and countless other organizations tell that our words would permeate and resound inside the hearts of people to inspire them to be the change they wish to see in the world. I dare to believe that one day babies like Allie will not starve, but thrive. I dare to believe that one day organizations like The Raining Season will be so common that all 163 million orphans will have a home. I dare to believe that the fire in children's hearts will ignite with such ablaze that their dreams will forever change the world.

I dare to believe this is NOT idealism. I dare to believe that this is the way it was intended to be. Because you see...somewhere I read..."For you know all about it...the contempt, the abuse. I dare to believe the luckless will get lucky someday in you. YOU WONT let them down. Orphans WONT be Orphans forever." Psalm 10:14.

Will you dare to Believe with me?

Dancing through Life,

Regina